It’s January! All around us, resolutions are being struck. People are waking up with a renewed sense of possibility to make change: starting a new fitness endeavor, learning a new skill, taking on a new hobby, or otherwise jumping into unfamiliar waters. The downside is, all that newness necessarily includes the part where you have to be…not that great at something, possibly for a while. Perhaps you are better about dealing with this than I am, but I can admit I’m just not my best self when I feel uncertain, awkward, or generally off my game. Over time, though, despite being both uncoordinated and often exhausted, I have managed to figure out a few guiding principles that help me feel ready to give new things a try.
If you are excited to get started with your next big activity but want to avoid feeling like you suck at it and should probably quit, here’s some of my hard-earned advice.
1. Remember that you’re still the same you.
Listen, I understand that this is the time of year when marketing machines are all very busy chirping “new year, new you,” but the reality is that you are mostly the same person, attempting to do a new thing. A great first step is to hold on to the knowledge that no matter what happens in your new endeavor, you are still pretty great, with many sterling personal qualities. If you organize your thinking around the idea that your success in rock climbing or indoor soccer is a referendum on your worth as a person, you will end up feeling pointlessly pressured to prove yourself and discouraged when you don’t excel immediately. Instead, try walking in with the idea that your new activity is something you already deserve, as a treat to yourself for being truly excellent—a little gift of time and opportunity and perhaps instruction—and let yourself feel pampered by it.
2. Know that everyone you encounter was new at one point.
Each pickleballer, every Pilatesean, all the acro-yoga devotees…they all started out not knowing their mat from their elbow. It is shockingly easy to forget that the instructor is very good at it because they have 20 years of practice, or that the student in the first row goes six times a week, and compare our little third-session-ever abilities to theirs. You’re just now learning, and you’re doing fine. If you feel uncertain, ask someone who was recently new and still remembers what was hard or weird for them at first. If you have accidentally ended up in a situation where you’re getting a lot of judgy attitude for being a new participant, try a different class or another location to get away from that nonsense.
3. Make a plan to feel comfortable asking for help.
Do I love messing up, falling down, not being able to get the move right, fully losing track of what’s happening, and so on? No. But is it part of the deal? Yes. A little tender patience with yourself (and the ability to laugh about it sometimes) will take you a long way.
The bravery required to ask for help doesn’t always stick around when we feel vulnerable or uncomfortable though, so you may need to give it some support. Ask your people to send funny exercise memes to get you going, see if a friend is also interested in attending lessons with you (maybe there’s a discount), or just talk to the instructor or trainer directly. Tell them you’re nervous about doing the wrong thing so they can look out for you during class, or let your pals hype you a little for taking the plunge. Sometimes getting out of our heads and asking for help makes a huge difference—and people are usually happy to oblige.
4. Approach your activity in a way that suits your current lifestyle and level of skill.
It’s hard enough to find the motivation to go do something you’re bad at for an hour, a situation which is not improved by other pains-in-the-ass, like logistics, weather, and even the bus schedule. Increase the likelihood that you’ll stick with your new hobby by picking something that fits into your current life and abilities without any heroic measures. Choosing a gym that is easy to get to (including smaller but important details like parking, or whether or not you’ll have to take an extra bus); picking a class that’s right after school drop-off so you're already out and about; or picking the beginner class even if you’re the youngest one by a decade—these are all great ways to strategize for your own success. Imaginary you might be a person who rises at 5:45 a.m. and takes two buses across town, but actual you is more likely to stick with a new habit if the barrier to making it happen is lower.
An additional bit of advice: If you have care responsibilities, you may find it easier to do your new activity while they are doing one of their own. Can you take adult tap while your kid takes ballet? Can you swim laps while your elderly mother does warm-water AquaFit? Try and see!
5. Know that it’s not going to be as much fun as you thought at first, but if you learn the basics, the fun will come.
The first day of skiing is a lot of falling down and, honestly, so is day two. A damp butt and sore knees are…not exactly “a blast.” But if you quit before you learn the rudiments, you’ll never get to the part where you stay standing long enough to enjoy actual skiing. This is true of most activities: Everyone has to struggle through the first month or so when it’s rough, and easier to get discouraged. It takes a bit of time to find your groove, and sometimes a little longer even to get into said groove.
If you’re feeling impatient, consider making yourself a little Countdown To The Fun Part calendar—because sometimes it’s easier to keep going when you can see that you are already halfway through the beginner lessons, and know that more competence is going to appear on the horizon shortly, so you don’t lose heart. Make a row of boxes in your journal or stick Post-it notes on your wall and fill in a heart every time you show up as a beginner.
6. Bring all your golden retriever energy with you.
If you’ve ever walked with an energetic dog (or small child), you know that they have alllll the time in the world to indulge their spirit of curiosity. What’s that? How does it work? What does it do? What about this? Do I like it? Let me try it again and see! This is the energy we want to bring to our new endeavors: the Person Who Is Just So Excited To Be Here. Don’t bother trying to look cool or like you know what’s going on if you really don’t—instead, lean in to the opportunity to learn it from the ground up. Be the enthusiastic newbie you want to see in the world, and so what if every once in a while you end up chasing your own fluffy tail? Also, you’re making room for other new people to feel less awkward along with you!
7. If you don’t fit the “typical” mold for your chosen activity, decide in advance how you’ll handle any awkwardness or mistreatment.
If you’re a person of color taking up golf in your super-white suburb, a fat person going to a tumbling class, or someone who uses mobility aids trying out a dance class, you might be bracing for people acting weird toward you. First: A million kudos for giving it a go despite knowing you’ll get looks about it (and for sure, some of them will be neutral to positive, even if some others aren’t). Depending on your personality, you might choose to just ignore them, or stare them down, or something else. Practicing in advance how you will respond if someone is acting out of pocket—including saying the words out loud a few times to settle them in your brain so you have them when you need them—can help reduce your anxiety and help you focus on your finger position or your left hook in the moment without being distracted by their nonsense.
8. Know that even if you don’t stick with it, you didn’t waste your time.
Perhaps your new hobby will pan out and you’ll find a new form of recreational enjoyment that lasts you the rest of your days. On the other hand, you might try it for a couple of months and discover it really isn’t for you. In either case, know that you have given your brain a very nice gift: the process of figuring out how to do something new. Your time hasn’t been wasted, even if your new activity isn’t a match. You’re literally a winner either way.
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