Heart truths

14 Ways to Actually Get Over a Breakup, According to Therapists

Moving on takes time, but these tips can make the process more bearable.

January 5, 2026

There’s no rule book on how to get over a breakup—and no fast-forward button either. However many plans you make or clichés you’re offered, grieving the loss of a relationship will inevitably bring a roller-coaster of hard-to-handle emotions.

While there’s no way to skip the heartbreak and wake up happily single by tomorrow, there are ways to at least make the process more bearable while you’re in it. “Your healing time will depend on different factors, like the meaning the relationship had to you as well as the length of it,” Habiba Jessica Zaman, LPC, a therapist based in Tucker, Georgia, and author of How We Choose Who We Love, tells SELF. Zaman says. Moving on can take longer, for instance, if you lost your virginity to this person or they’re the only one you’ve ever introduced to your parents.

Below, therapists break down what can actually help you let go of your ex and feel more like yourself again.

1. Avoid distractions that do more harm than good.

It’s tempting to preoccupy yourself with a glass of red wine or a few casual hookups—whatever offers relief when you’re in pain.

However, these coping strategies tend to work only in the short term. “They stop the bleeding but don’t address the wound itself,” Terri Orbuch, PhD, a professor of sociology at the University of Oakland and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great, tells SELF. So while getting drunk may numb the sadness for a few hours, the hurt will probably come rushing back once you’re sober. Similarly, jumping into a rebound relationship before you’re ready can end up creating more stress—and regret.

2. Don’t fight the heartache: Feel it.

“Some people believe they have to stop thinking about the pain to move on and be happy,” Sarah Gundle, PsyD, New York City–based clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital, tells SELF. “But you actually have to feel your feelings in order to understand and accept what happened.”

One way to create a space for this reflection (and wallowing) is to set asider 10 to 20 minutes and just sit (or lie) there and embrace the emotions that come up. Anger, emptiness, grief, sadness, regret—whatever arises, let yourself feel it with curiosity, not judgment. Many of us don’t realize just how freeing it can be to stop suppressing our true feelings.

Remember: You’re not just mourning the end of a relationship, but also the hopes and expectations you had for your future—maybe you dreamed of moving in together or starting a family with this person. “So give yourself grace and compassion during this difficult and confusing time,” Dr. Gundle says.

3. Reconnect with things that make you happy.

To be clear, “people shouldn’t ignore the stuff that brings them joy just because they’re in a long-term relationship,” Dr. Gundle says. That said, it’s easy to unintentionally let solo interests slide when you’re so engrossed in coupledom. Maybe you haven’t painted in a while because you’ve spent most of your free time with your significant other. Or perhaps you pressed pause on your bedside guitar sessions when you started sleeping at their place every night.

Instead of dwelling on what’s lost, reframe this period as an opportunity to reignite your personal passions, Andrea Liner, PsyD, a clinical psychologist based in Denver, tells SELF. It’s also worth pushing yourself to try something new—a running club, dance class, even a solo trip abroad. Reframe this period as a chance to date yourself, rediscover what lights up your life, and reclaim your independence, Dr. Liner says.

4. Create new memories they won’t be a part of.

It can be tough to stop by your go-to coffee shop, listen to your favorite playlist, or stroll through your neighborhood park without the person you used to do those things with.

For that reason, “it’s important to create memories that aren’t connected to your ex,” Dr. Orbuch says. Rather than going solo to the restaurant you used to frequent on date nights, invite a group of friends to join you. “Taking back and reclaiming a place or experience can invoke a sense of control,” Dr. Gundle says—by allowing you to redefine it with new, positive associations.

Better yet, find a different 24/7 pizza joint with amazing buffalo chicken slices, or seek out another sports bar that isn’t in your ex’s neighborhood. By mixing up your routine and exploring new spots, you can slowly build a life that feels independent, satisfying, and distinctively your own.

5. Remind yourself of all the reasons you broke up in the first place.

Chances are, you may never get the apology or explanation you’re hoping for from the person who broke your heart—which is why your recovery shouldn’t depend on that “closure.” “Your perception of why it ended is what is most important,” Dr. Orbuch says.

Rather than waiting on your ex to tie the relationship up in a bow, she suggests reflecting on why, exactly, things didn’t work out. “I wouldn’t recommend making a list of your ex’s faults, because that can lead to ruminating and get you stuck in a cycle of anger and frustration,” she explains. A healthier approach? Take note of why you, as a couple, weren’t compatible. Be realistic and honest with yourself. Maybe you had totally opposite communication styles (you’re reserved, they’re confrontational), or your visions for the future didn’t align (like wanting children versus not). Clarifying the reasons you’re no longer together can help you accept that you might not have been each other’s perfect match after all.

6. Think twice before hooking up with your ex post-breakup.

As tempting as it may be, resist the urge to booty call your ex for “one last time.” More often than not, that steamy hookup is unlikely to bring closure and more likely to stir up old, confusing feelings that make it harder to let go. According to Dr. Gundle, “in order to get real closure, you need to actually end it.”

7. Consider going no-contact.

Many of us hope we can stay friends—or at least be cordial—with our former partners. However, setting boundaries is necessary for embracing a fresh beginning, Michaela Decker, LMFT, owner and therapist at Vesta Counseling in Tempe, Arizona, tells SELF.

“A good start is to reduce communication to only what is necessary,” Decker says. Keep the conversation limited to specific things like getting your stuff back, she suggests, then end the discussion. Even better, consider appointing an intermediary (a mutual friend or family member) to be your proxy for arranging logistics temporarily, Dr. Liner adds.

There isn’t a one-size-fits-all recommendation for whether or not to delete an ex’s number or when to block them on social media. (For what it’s worth, though, one study published in 2012 found that people who continued to be Facebook friends with their ex experienced more distress and sexual longing.) Just be mindful of how keeping the option of contacting them open is affecting you, Decker advises: If their thirst trap is sending you into a spiral or you’re constantly fighting the urge to stalk their profile for life updates, those are signs that it’s time to limit your access to them (or go no contact altogether)—at least until you’re in a better place.

8. Write a letter to your ex—but don’t send it.

According to Dr. Orbuch, jotting down all of your honest, raw feelings—and directing them toward the person who’s responsible for your tears can help you make sense of complicated thoughts and unanswered questions.

“Basically, get all of what you want to say on paper or the notes app in your phone,” she suggests. That might mean expressing how much you’ll cherish them as your first real love or (conversely) how you’re now recognizing all of their red flags. Then, delete or throw the letter away, rather than hitting “send” or hand-delivering it to their doorstep. The goal isn’t necessarily to contact your ex (which could, again, delay the healing process). Instead, consider this a cathartic exercise: A safe space to say everything on your mind, freeing yourself from the weight of unresolved emotions.

9. Talk, vent, or just be with your friends and family.

It’s natural to withdraw from social life during the early stages of a breakup, especially when you’re too heartbroken and overwhelmed to socialize. Still, it’s important to remember that your loved ones are your safety net during difficult times, offering support in ways that only those who truly know you can.

Many people hesitate to ask for help because they worry about “burdening or annoying their networks,”Dr. Liner explains, Yet most of the time, it can be incredibly comforting to just collapse into your friend’s arms and let the tears flow, or have a heart-to-heart with your mom. These special people in your life can make you feel understood, less alone, and more hopeful that, in time, everything will be okay.

10. And don’t be afraid to reach out to the people you’ve lost touch with.

Maybe you kind of ghosted your friends when you were in the thick of a whirlwind romance. Or perhaps your toxic partner didn’t want you spending time with anyone but them. Either way, there’s no shame in reaching out now and owning your mistake if you need to, Dr. Liner says.

For example, you could open up with: “I know I stopped prioritizing our friendship while I was in my past relationship, and I really regret that. I’d love a chance to reconnect with you if you’re open to it.” Or “I got really caught up, and it wasn’t cool of me to disappear on you like that.”

11. Remove any physical reminders of your ex…

“The healthiest coping mechanism is getting rid of everything associated with this person,” according to Zaman. That doesn’t necessarily mean trashing everything they touched, but this could be the perfect time to delete old texts and saved voicemails—things keeping you tethered to the hope of getting back together. Constantly revisiting these old memories “can hinder your ability to move on with your life without them in it,” Zaman says.

12. …or at least hide them.

It’s also understandable if you’re not ready to part with all the stuff that’s linked to them—like an expensive necklace they got you for your birthday or the concert ticket stub from your first date. In these cases, Decker suggests stashing these things in a box (out of sight) until your emotions have died down. That way, you can make a less impulsive decision about what to do. (And if you’re still tempted to dig out your ex’s old sweatshirt that you always slept in, ask a trusted friend to either hold onto it for you.)

14. Consider talking to a therapist.

If you have access to one, “having an unbiased, neutral, third-party observer is instrumental in gaining a deeper understanding of what happened and how you can learn and grow from the experience as you pursue new relationships in the future,” Dr. Liner says.

Beyond providing a safe space to express yourself, a therapist can teach you strategies for coping with stress, anxiety, sadness, or low self-esteem. Hopefully, you’ll also gain the self-awareness necessary for forming healthy romantic relationships down the line. It’s worth noting, however, that getting help is especially important for anyone in extreme distress, Dr. Liner says—as in, you’re still not feeling better a month or so after the breakup, or you’re experiencing major disruptions like not eating or sleeping, struggling at work, mood or personality changes, or suicidal thoughts.

The post-breakup blues won’t disappear overnight, no matter how diligently you follow the above advice. But each day that’s even a little easier counts as progress—and eventually, you’ll feel some version of yourself returning.