Even if you don’t know her name, you know Melani Sanders’s face. The Florida-based mom of three went viral last spring after announcing on Instagram that, as a woman of a certain age, she was over worrying about some of the annoying things in life. On this particular day, it was a “too-little sports bra” and hair that didn’t look a certain way. Sanders, 45, announced in the post that she was founding the We Do Not Care (WDNC) Club and invited other women who were perimenopausal, menopausal, and postmenopausal to share what they no longer care about in this season of life. A movement was born that has been joined by millions of women in menopause and perimenopause who are dying to air their grievances.
That first post has nearly 241,000 likes and 24,000 comments. Since then, Sanders has shared more videos of herself listing off things she and other WDNC members are over, often while wearing multiple pairs of glasses, a sleep mask, and a highlighter behind one ear. Sanders, who has more than two million Instagram followers, has earned an army of celebrity admirers along the way, including Halle Berry, Ashley Judd, Shonda Rimes, and Kristen Bell. Last year, she was also named People magazine’s creator of the year.
Now Sanders has put all of that wisdom together in a new book debuting this week. The Official We Do Not Care Club Handbook offers a little of everything for women, including hilarious lists, such as items lost by WDNC members (plane tickets, Panera gift cards, the name of the person we’re speaking to, our names, and the car keys that are usually discovered in the fridge or freezer). Readers can also find plenty of educational content to help them navigate the changes that come with perimenopause and menopause, as well as handy form letters (“Notification to Partner: Sexual Opt-Out” and “Formal Apology to Innocent Victim Caught in the Peri/Menopause Crossfire”). There are even fun games to play, such as Brain Fog Word Match.
SELF caught up with Sanders to discuss her new book and what women worldwide have gained through the WDNC movement. “The key messaging I want my sisters to always know is that you are enough, and you are not alone,” Sanders tells SELF.
SELF: Where did the idea from your original post come from?
Melani Sanders: That post came from me sitting in my car, looking at myself in the rearview mirror and deciding that I have to take some of the pressure off. I do not care anymore.
What do you think of the massive response?
In the very beginning, I didn’t really understand it. It wasn’t like a viral moment on one platform. It was on multiple platforms and gaining hundreds of followers a day. It’s been overwhelming, but I’m learning to accept it more. I have imposter syndrome. I don’t post content regularly. Oh my goodness, I have opened my mouth and now I have to be present. But the sisterhood and positive energy I’m receiving from it…that’s the most powerful part.
How many pairs of glasses do you own?
It has to be at least 20. Once I hit perimenopause, my vision went away. I had 20/20 before. I got stuck one day out in public and I did not have glasses. That prompted me to put them on. This is not intentional. I put them on because I’m too afraid to be caught without being able to see.
What have you gotten out of the club?
I’ve learned how to be vulnerable, how much can come from that. It strengthens me, for sure, it strengthens the sisterhood. I’m proud of that.
Why did you decide to write a book?
I talked myself out of it several times. Finally, I said, “You know what? What would it hurt to put it in writing?” As long as I had the right team around me—I was very careful about that. You blow up overnight like this and you have so many brands and companies wanting to work with you. But you have to really be intentional about what comes to your door and what you let in.
What do you hope women get out of your book?
It’s like a good cocktail. There’s so much humor, relatability, education. I wanted the book to be a smaller size so it could be a pocketbook. If I want a laugh, I can open up here; or a resource, I can open up here. It’s a good time.
What don’t you care about today?
There’s so much I don’t care about. A clean house is definitely not it. I’m starting this tour and I had to decide if I was going to drive myself crazy over my house not being clean. The house can wait.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
Related:
- What Is ‘Menopause Massage’ And Why Are We Not All Doing This?
- Why 30 Isn’t Too Young to Start Thinking About—And Preparing for—Menopause
- What Ob-Gyns Think About the First Libido-Boosting Pill Approved for Use After Menopause
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