What to Do If Your Mother-in-Law Doesn’t Like You

Whether she criticizes your parenting…or hijacks the first dance at your wedding.

January 20, 2026

Brooklyn Beckham Nicola Peltz and her motherinlaw Victoria Beckham

Not getting along with your mother-in-law is an archetypal kind of dilemma: a cliché movie trope, a hot topic in Reddit threads and mom-group chats, and, apparently, something even celebrities have to deal with.

Over the weekend, Brooklyn Beckham took to Instagram to confirm a long-rumored feud within his family, in the process revealing a strained relationship between his wife, Nicola Peltz Beckham, and his parents, Victoria and David Beckham. “My wife has been consistently disrespected by my family, no matter how hard we’ve tried to come together as one,” he wrote in a series of Instagram stories, claiming that they called Nicola “not family,” that his father only agreed to see him “under the condition that Nicola wasn’t invited,” and that his mother allegedly hijacked the couple’s first dance at their wedding.

While many in-law conflicts aren’t as dramatic (or headline-grabbing), the experience of navigating a fractured or tense relationship with a partner’s parent is surely relatable—whether it’s passive-aggressive comments, unsolicited advice, or a fundamental personality clash that no amount of “bonding” can fix. “It’s common because there’s a built-in loyalty conflict,” Lisa Chen, LMFT, a Los Angeles–based couples therapist, tells SELF. “Your partner is forming a new family unit, and some parents struggle with that loss of influence and lack of control.”

So how do you thrive—or even just survive—alongside someone who’s a major part of your partner’s life…but also your source of tension? Here are a few key strategies, according to family and relationship therapists.

1. Pre-plan boundaries with your partner before doing anything else.

Before confronting your mother-in-law directly (or letting resentment build), talk through your frustrations with the person you’re actually in the relationship with. From there, you can work together to set boundaries and limits that feel reasonable and fair to you both, Nari Jeter, LMFT, licensed couples therapist in Florida and cohost of The Coupled Podcast, tells SELF. That might mean agreeing to time limits of two hours at family gatherings, capping visits to only once a week, or deciding certain topics (like finances, fertility, or parenting choices) are off the table. Being aligned with your SO will give you a strong foundation as a team and set you up for better success if, down the road, you do choose to confront her.

2. Choose your battles.

In a dynamic that’s already strained, awkward, or generally uncomfortable, it’s easy to feel irritated by nearly everything your MIL says or does—an offhand comment about your cooking, a judgmental remark about how you’re raising your kids, a casual comparison to someone else’s wife. While frustration, in these cases, is understandable, responding to every slight may not be worth your energy. (If anything, it’ll probably leave you drained and constantly on-edge.)

Instead, be selective about what you address—whether that’s a recurring pattern of unacceptable put-downs or a single moment where she managed to make an important milestone (your birthday, anniversary, wedding) about herself. “I like to remind my clients that just because someone criticizes you, that doesn’t mean you have to accept it,” Jeter says. “Imagine their comment is like them throwing a ball at you. Just don’t catch it,” which in practice, can look like changing the subject, physically removing yourself from the conversation, or simply not responding. These small acts of disengagement don’t mean you’re “losing”: Rather, they’re a way of conserving your energy and refusing to escalate a dynamic that’s hurting your well-being.

3. Aim for cordial, not close.

As tempting as it is to measure your in-law relationship against the ones we see in rom-coms or picture-perfect Instagram photoshoots, the reality is usually far more nuanced. According to both Jeter and Chen, it’s entirely normal not to be best friends with your partner’s parents or to see them like you do your own—and expecting that level of intimacy might be unnecessary if your goal is to simply get along.

Instead, “shift your expectations to neutrality and reframe your relationship as a more professional or casual one,” Jeter says, whether that means keeping conversations surface-level, letting go of the urge to confide personal updates in hopes of “bonding” with her, or choosing not to spend one-on-one time together. A cordial relationship doesn’t have to be warm or intimate to be successful—it just has to be manageable.

4. Let go of the urge to “change” her.

One common misconception about confronting a difficult mother-in-law is the expectation of a neat, emotionally satisfying resolution—which, in complicated family dynamics, is rare. Instead, experts say it’s more worthwhile to focus on managing certain behaviors rather than “fixing” her.

Before addressing anything directly, decide with your partner what approach makes the most sense: Maybe, for example, you’d prefer your spouse to stand up to their own mom—an option that can reduce the burden on you and present a more united front. That said, when there’s an ongoing pattern of disrespect, it’s also reasonable to speak up for yourself. “It’s important for a daughter-in-law to feel like an individual in the family without feeling as if every issue needs to be run through their spouse,” Jeter explains.

However you choose to raise your concerns, Chen recommends expressing them “concisely and with conviction”—meaning, no lengthy explanations or justifications required. (“We’re staying until 7, then have to head out.” “We’re not comfortable discussing politics.” “Please let us know by 6 p.m. if you’re coming over tomorrow.”) Remember, “the goal isn’t to fix or appease their mother,” Chen points out. “It’s to stay regulated and protect your relationship with your partner.”

5. Plan time to decompress after family interactions.

No matter how mentally prepared you are, being around someone who is stressful or critical can be draining. So make it a point to carve out space afterward, Chen says—whether it’s taking separate cars from their mother from a holiday dinner, scheduling a happy hour date after lunch with the in-laws, or simply lying in bed together to unpack the night. All of these little rituals, Chen says, give you a chance to process tension as a team while preventing lingering family stress from driving a wedge between you and your partner.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what level of contact, if any, feels safe and manageable. Because no one should be forced to tolerate repeated disrespect—not even from family.