Love

5 Ways to Feel Less Lonely During the Holidays

Other than drinking away your sadness or hitting up a hometown hookup.

December 17, 2025

Despite the fact that there’s nothing inherently sexy or romantic about winter, the season has somehow become known for its “cuffing.” Couples start to pair off, holiday rom-coms take over our screens, and the inevitable “Are you seeing anyone special?” questions from nosy relatives roll in.

Even if you’re totally okay with your relationship status, being single during the holidays can be especially difficult thanks to all the pressure and expectations built into this time of year. So for anyone who’s feeling lonely, isolated, or anxious right now, here are a few ways to survive—and actually enjoy—the next few weeks.

1. Embrace your desire for a relationship, but don’t let it define your worth.

There’s no shortage of cliché advice dedicated to owning your single status. This can end up feeling like pressure to love your solitude—and make you feel guilty if you don’t.

The truth is, “there’s nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship, just like there’s nothing wrong with not wanting one,” Jennifer Creson, LMHC, a Seattle-based mental health counselor and owner of Protea Wellness, tells SELF. And ultimately, “judging ourselves for our needs and wants is what hurts us.” Instead, a healthier (and more realistic) approach is to tune into where your desire to be partnered up is coming from. If it’s solely to escape boredom or get validation, then focus on ways to feel connected to others that don’t involve relying on a love interest (more on that below). If it’s stemming from pressure to align with others’ expectations for you, remind yourself that everyone is on their own timeline. (Just because your parents met right out of college doesn’t mean you have to.)

2. Recognize when your family’s values don’t align with your own.

Whether it’s your worried mom or invasive uncle grilling you about your relationship status, know that these comments often say more about them than you. “Families put pressure on us for many reasons, but most are fear-based,” Creson says. “Fear for us, or fear for themselves. But we don’t need to take on our family’s fears and internalize them.”

So the next time a relative tries prying into your love life, try setting boundaries without turning it into a defensive confrontation. You can redirect the conversation to other “successes” unrelated to your relationship status—maybe a big promotion, a new friend group you got closer to, or a travel experience that brought you joy. Not only does this deflection shift the focus away from who you are (or aren’t) dating, but it also reminds everyone (including yourself) that your worth isn’t tied to having a partner.

Even if your ideas line up with your family’s, and you do wish you weren’t single, listening to their pressure and internalizing it isn’t going to help you feel better. “If we wish we were somewhere else in our own lives, shame isn’t going to help us get there,” Dr. Creson says. “Shame shuts us down and keeps us stuck. Contrary to popular belief, tough love doesn’t usually help motivate people.” And that also applies to the kind of love you extend to yourself.

3. Don’t underestimate friendships when you’re craving connection.

It’s easy to assume that holiday loneliness can only be fixed with a romantic connection. But your friends can just as easily fill that void—making you laugh, offering support, and reminding you that you’re loved.

Still, Creson says it’s all too common for people to isolate themselves during this time of year instead of reaching out—whether because they don’t want to burden others, they feel embarrassed, or they assume everyone’s too busy.

But rather than waiting around for people to think of you first, take a moment to consider your own needs. If you’re worried about burdening your friends, ask yourself: Are you reaching out to the same friend with the same issue every day or do you just have the ambient feeling of being “too much”? With the former, Creson advises asking your go-to if they have space to hear you out and/or hang out with you; if it’s the latter, consider that your brain may be leading you astray. When you do reach out to check in, it’s best to do so without expectation. “Allow whatever answer comes, and don’t feel bad if a friend isn’t up for it at any given time,” she says. “They might just be going through their own stuff—ask another friend.”

4. Resist isolating activities.

Naturally, you might try to distract yourself from your single status, perhaps with a hometown hookup, a messy night out, or a lineup of sad movies that only deepen your hopelessness.

As temporarily comforting as these coping mechanisms can be, “isolating activities” can end up backfiring, Creson points out. Now, what counts as an isolating activity varies from person to person: Some may find comfort in hitting up the hometown bar and rekindling a former flame, but others may find that that only adds to their loneliness.

Instead, you should seek out what Creson refers to as “pro-relationship” activities. This might look like grabbing brunch with a friend, attending your favorite workout class, or baking banana bread on a cozy Saturday night—basically, anything that gives you a sense of connection, whether with others or with a less lonely version of yourself.

5. Create new traditions that celebrate singlehood.

Even if kissing under mistletoe or trying to find someone before Valentine’s Day seems like the norm, you don’t have to take part of that culture if you don’t want to. There’s a lot of power in creating new traditions, Creson says—ones that lift you up instead of bringing you down. Maybe your version of New Year’s Eve decenters the pressure to kiss someone at midnight and instead involves treating yourself with your favorite dessert or drink. Or rather than skipping your company holiday date party altogether, bring a close friend as your plus-one.

Whatever the case, there’s a lot of joy in shaping the season your way—and your version can include any style of relationship…or perhaps none at all.