I’m a lesbian who loves gay romance. And no, not just stories about queer women—although of course, those too—but also gay male media. My girlfriend and I have binged the likes of Young Royals, Fellow Travellers, and Red, White & Royal Blue. This year, we were even Jack and Ennis from Brokeback Mountain for Halloween. So as Heated Rivalry, HBO Max’s newest gay TV show, took the world by storm in the last few weeks, I, too, became someone who eagerly awaits episode drops every Friday night.
Based on the novel by Rachel Reid, Heated Rivalry follows two top hockey players, Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander, who start a secret romance that continues across many years as they navigate balancing their public fame with their private relationship. And as the show has garnered significant attention—from its gripping sex scenes to the classic enemies-to-lovers trope—it isn’t just queer audiences that are singing its praises. Maybe surprisingly to some, straight women are just as invested—if not even more so.
This phenomenon is hardly new. Women account for nearly half of viewers of gay male porn, according to a recent study. There’s also the growing popularity of “fujoshi”—a Japanese term for women who seek out male/male romance content. Clearly, there have always been straight women who enjoy consuming media about gay male relationships. But what makes this romance genre in books, movies, and TV shows like Heated Rivalry so appealing to them? We spoke to sex therapists to get their take.
Queer sex breaks the mold of restrictive dynamics.
Possibly one of the most obvious aspects of depictions of queer sex is its subversion of more traditional ideas of physical intimacy. Gay sex can mean different things to different people; when Ilya and Shane meet up in Shane’s hotel room for the first time, viewers—and even the characters themselves—don’t know exactly how the scene will play out. In contrast, “standard heteronormative thinking often dictates that men and women have fixed, specific, and complementary roles in a sexual relationship,” Candice Nicole Hargons, PhD, associate professor at Emory University’s School of Public Health and author of Good Sex, tells SELF. In other words, the stereotypical flow of straight sex—make out, missionary, man orgasms—doesn’t leave a lot of room for imagination and expression. Gay sex proposes an alternative: pleasure where penetrative sex isn’t always the goal and your gender doesn’t determine your role.
When straight women engage in gay male media, then, there may be more room to imagine alternatives for themselves, Hargons adds. “This exposure to fluid, nontraditional relationship dynamics can be immensely beneficial, allowing them to envision more equitable and satisfying arrangements in their own heterosexual relationships as well.”
Being unburdened by pressure and performance leaves more room for fantasy.
And while the absence of women at the center of gay romance might seem like a deterrence for straight women, it can actually be freeing. “Without a woman character to compare themselves to or ‘perform through,’ viewers can focus on desire, intimacy, and emotional connection in a way that feels playful rather than pressured,” explains Tennessee-based queer sex therapist, Emma Smith, PhD.
As depictions of straight sexuality can often be reductive, or even objectifying towards women, gay romance can act as “a kind of restorative fantasy,” Dr. Smith says: There is actually more room for desire to emerge when straight women don’t have to directly situate themselves in the dynamic. Despite misogynistic ideas around sexuality, many straight women do want to consume stories that are explicit, intimate, and full of emotional longing. And unlike stereotypical straight romance, MM (male/male romance) media can offer the opportunity to engage in fantasy without caretaking, self-monitoring, or emotional overfunctioning, Dr. Smith says.
The want to feel wanted is universal.
As a queer woman, it’s easy to see how the mutual desire found in queer romance is frequently left out of heterosexual media. It’s not just that the stakes are higher in Heated Rivalry, or that Ilya and Shane’s sexual tension is so alluring. It’s also the reciprocal intense need they have for each other sexually—and even romantically at times—that “can feel refreshing and deeply satisfying” for straight women, Smith says.
Representations of straight women’s sexuality in mainstream media repeatedly come at the cost of their own empowerment—they’re often portrayed as nonsexual beings, or, on the other side of the spectrum, overly-sexualized through the male gaze. So “enjoying stories where desire is shared, vulnerable, and unapologetic signals a quiet rebellion against narrow, heteronormative scripts about who gets to want and how freely that wanting is allowed to appear,” says Smith. Witnessing desire so openly expressed may actually be able to reaffirm a straight woman’s own sexual agency.
So no matter where you fall on the sexuality spectrum, the mass appeal of Heated Rivalry might be highlighting a cultural need for more stories that put pleasure and authenticity at the forefront. And when we have movies, television, and other cultural references that encourage fantasy and exploration outside of heteronormative ideals, we all can lead more sexually fulfilling lives—no matter who you’re into.
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